“Your cannabis has arrived,” said the somewhat startling mailing I received. I wonder if it was supposed to go to my roommate, “Or Current Resident.” (Or was out last time I checked.)
If I was a partaker of cannabis, which I am not, I might be studying one life insurance table in that ad, specifically the “Joint-Smoker” section. (see photo).
• A while back I mentioned a street corner ad for a “Kids Dental Camp” that showed a youngster apparently cleaning a grinning pal’s teeth (see photo). The missive said that the classes for kids only included “Intro to Anesthesia,” “Insurance Billing Codes,” and, of course, “Endodontic Microsurgery.”
The ad, as you might have surmised, was a joke, the work of a group of artists parodying the profession. “Society is absurd, why not enjoy it,”explained one website.
• Now comes another joke, designed in the same style, and advertising the 24-hour emergency service of “Stan’s Mobile Wine Sommelier Service.”
Stan, who could of course not be reached, offers to come to the rescue of a host for “breakfast, lunch & dinner … 7 days a week.”
“Never Ruin a Meal Again,” it says.
I don’t know about you, but I hate it when a sommelier gives me the wrong wine with my breakfast burrito.
• Big news: The website Classmates.com sent me a bulletin that said, “Steve, someone visited your profile. Find out why.”
Hmm. Sounds interesting after almost 60 years. But if it’s a guy who says I still owe him $10, tell him I’ll get back to him.
• Oh, rats: Discussing the problem of food-stealing, a nextdoor.com reader said, “We’ve had some luck with putting out small pieces of bubblegum. The rats eat the bubblegum and are unable to digest it.”
After a while the rats seem to go elsewhere.
And, as a bonus, you might find a valuable baseball card with your bubble gum.
*Steve Harvey can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and @sharvey9.